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So How Do We Approach Counseling?  by Ellen Warren

Deciding On Counseling

First, to achieve the greatest return on your counseling investment, both parties should be in the third or fourth stage of reacting to a crises as was described in the first discussion. It must be a joint decision by both parties because it is a sharing and learning together experience.

One of the biggest mistakes some people make is one person takes the lead, finds someone, has a few sessions and demands that the other person join them in counseling. That is clear and simple manipulation and control and it usually doesn’t work.

The other person in most cases feel coerced and blind-sided. Their attitude is negative and rejecting.

The counselor who is selected is a teacher not a referee. One cannot feel that the counselor is taking sides and trying to force change.

If for purposes of illustration, two people decide together that they want to take a course at their local school to get more information about a subject in which they both have an interest. They will get catalogs, decide which night is the best night to attend, pick the course, go together to register and attend together. That is an interdependent approach and it is fun.

It is an adventure. Counseling is the same.

Once you both together have selected a counselor, let others who are important to you both know what you are doing, because it is a positive thing and you want them to know that you are doing something together.

Your approach should an open one to inquire and learn about interdependency, to build a new relationship and to go forward together. If one or both feel they are not ready to start this learning process then out of mutual respect for each other, wait, wait until you both are ready to start.

How will you know? Look at the third and fourth stages of reacting. It is important to start with a positive level field.

Next: Making Your Selection